I Cannot Lose: 12 Hours of Chaos in Japan
A one-day diary of affirmation and reminders (and twin-turbo V6s)
I deserve to be here. I deserve to be in Japan right now. I deserve to be sitting in the driver’s seat of this 565-horsepower sports car. I deserve to inch it forward, out of the garage and onto the streets of Yokohama, Japan – a country where I’ve never driven before. Where none of the signs are in English. Where they drive on the opposite side of the road. Where the steering wheel is on the opposite side of the car. Look both ways. Accelerate. Slowly.
Why am I here again? Because I wanted to meet the right people. The right people are here and they’ve agreed to be interviewed. Why did they agree? Because I received a personal recommendation from someone they trust. Why did he recommend me? Because we built a professional relationship based on years of respect and honesty while he was at Nissan and I was a senior staff writer. That place laid me off in 2019. Recently that place deleted all my published work off its servers. They’re gone now, hundreds of articles simply erased. Like they never existed. But he remembered. And he recommended me, personally. So I came.
I have faced hard things before. I have faced walls and climbed them and come out stronger. I have bullied my way through rejection until someone gave me a yes. I have resurrected myself more than once. So when I face hard things I will not overreact. I will not meet them with resistance. The phone is showing me directions to my first interview. (But the phone is nearly dead.) No problem – I will plug the phone into the car. (But the charger is a USB-C and the car only has USB-A.) No problem – I will enter the address into the navigation. (The navigation is in Japanese.) No problem – I will memorize the directions and put the phone in Airplane Mode and turn it back on when I need it. There.
I will embrace uncertainty. If you can let go of expectation, then uncertainty is only possibility. Traffic in Tokyo is much worse than I thought. I haven’t gone faster than 10 kph in a half-hour. And I have a long way to go. I may be late for my first interview. Will I make it? I don’t know. What if I don’t make it? I’m sure they will understand. They were very nice when we arranged the meeting. There is nothing I can do now except keep moving and take the right route. Ooh that’s my interchange. I should hit the turn signal. Shit that’s the wipers. Try again. I think I’m going to make it, actually.
I am in control. Every one of my movements is deliberate. Every one of my thoughts is intentional. Each time I shift into Drive, change gears on the paddles, or turn right and remember to drive across the intersection and aim for the left lane, it is because I made the concrete decision to do so. For all three days I will drive without music. This way I will be most aware of my surroundings. I will notice the speed limit. I will see how the trees reach out to one another from opposite sides of the road, like they’re holding hands. I will listen to the way the exhaust note changes its tune in Sport mode. This way I am most present. There’s my turn. I made it on time.
I am curious. Are those cherry blossoms? Yes, here and there along the Arakawa River – I can look down from the freeway and watch people posing with the sakura for selfies or resting underneath them on the amphitheater steps. Now the river bends away from me and I’m out in the countryside. Why are there so many golf pro shops out here? That one’s called “Nice Shot, Nice Day.” I like that. I have extra time between Interview One and Interview Two and haven’t eaten in 12 hours – I should hit up a convenience store. I bet they have salmon wrapped in seaweed. And a USB adapter. They do. I swear I’ve seen three GT-Rs pass by me today. No wonder no one seems impressed by my own GT-R – they’re crawling all over. By contrast I’ve only seen one Tesla so far. I wonder when was the last time I saw three GT-Rs and a single Tesla in one day. All convenience stores should have salmon wrapped in seaweed.
Two things I know: I am disciplined; and I am consistent. If I cannot be the smartest, I will be disciplined and consistent. If I cannot be right all the time, I will be disciplined and consistent. I have intentionally built these habits because I know they lead to excellence. Some people think you achieve excellent but you don’t – you practice it. Excellence is not an award but a quality. Therefore just by performing my daily habits I am experiencing the process of excellence. This philosophy brought me here, to Interview Two, at a parts distributor 40 miles outside of Tokyo with a fascinating history (and more than a little controversy). My one-hour interview goes well. They will put me on YouTube a few days later.
I will continue to trust and follow my path. I believe it is the right path for me. How could it not be? I chose it. What a gift – to choose. I chose the circumstances that led me to this career and its twists and turns. I chose the path to this trip across the ocean, and to this highway which is in complete gridlock and another two hours to drive before I can sleep. And it’s started raining. So I hit the wipers. Shit that’s the turn signal. By definition, the path cannot be wrong. I chose it.
I’ve already won. I am here chasing my dream, which I manifested out of thin air after years of work developing skills and building relationships followed by weeks of planning and preparation. And now I’m here experiencing the process. So I’ve won. Whatever else happens now is extra. Any other gifts or treasures or successes only add to my win. The win was earned through discipline and consistency and is not reliant on outcomes or validation. So I cannot possibly lose. My destination is on the left. I hit the turn signal – on purpose this time. Here is my hotel.
I am free. If I am intentional, and curious, and open to uncertainty, then I am free. If I am in the process of excellence, and present in the moment, and chose my own path, then I am free. I park the car, drop my bags and change my sweater for the first time in 44 hours. I step out of the hotel lobby – is that another goddamn GT-R? – and step into the rain. Time for ramen. Ramen and beer.
Drive hard and be safe. Black Lives Matter.
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